It's Been Awhile

It has been so long since my last blog that I'm not really sure where to start.

I guess I'll start by saying that I had a wonderful spring/Easter break at home in O-H-I-O with my family. During this time, I spent half of the break chasing around a seventeen month old that brings amazing joy to my life. Dylan is no longer a little baby...he is a busy little man. He wore his aunt out after several days of running around, but I cannot get enough of him and his precious smile. We are so blessed to get to have him in our lives! I am greatly looking forward to this summer when I can be a full-time aunt! :) Other than time with my Dilly Bar, I got to watch some good movies, relax on the couch, watch the CAVS play, and be surrounded by my favorite people in the world. Pictures will be coming soon! :)

So, I'm back in War. I feel like I am, too. I had a really tough time leaving home this break knowing that I was coming back to such a difficult position. It is a daily struggle to keep positive and keep my energy up. With my own strength, it doesn't work. And I truly believe that is why things aren't as good as I know they could be. I am leaning a lot on myself and my abilities and sometimes forget that it is ALL about God and that without Him I am nothing. I have been hearing Him say a lot this week, "Less of Amanda and more of ME!" Each day this week I have went in with a smile and tried to challenge and love these little ones. Well, today I think I failed. I should probably back up to the fact that I am pretty sick with a cold in my lungs. Thanks Ohio for snowing a random day during break! I still love you though! Anyways, today I felt miserable, and I probably should not have even been at school. Well, I asked the kids to help me out today since I was feeling so crappy...and they didn't. In fact they were absolutely wild. After coming out of a meeting at the end of the day to find that three of my kids were in fights during music, I was done. Hardly anything academic got done today because I couldn't get the kids to get on task. I felt all day like a failure. Once the last kid left I just broke down. Some days are just too much. There is so much heartache in my classroom, and they act out because they are screaming for attention. I realized when I calmed down that I'm not even upset at the kids and their behaviors...I'm broken for them. And I don't know how to help. Days like this I feel so inadequate and wonder why God brought me here. I asked Him that today. I only have 37 more days of school and my kids are still acting like this. Why God? What have I done for You by being here? I honestly don't know the full answers to these questions, but God did remind me that love is powerful. That LOVE conquers all. But why is that sometimes not enough for me?

Today I was reading in "My Utmost for His Highest" and Chambers said that God often makes things tough for us so that we can be in fellowship with Him. Then, when we get to the tough part, we start complaining and whining. This is me.

(When I was at home with my family, things were comfortable and familiar. I know how to succeed at home. I realized at the end of the break, that I pushed my time with God almost out the window while I was home. It made me so upset at myself because when I'm in War I can't live without Him. I crave His word and our daily time together. Why do I fool myself by thinking I have things under control the moment I step back into comfort? I'm glad that I had this realization now before I got home for summer....or this could be very dangerous. )

Anyways...back to today's reading...in the midst of our complaining, we wish that we were like others...without the burden. However, God gives those He loves burdens to carry...so that we can give them back to Him and become more reliant on Him. Some just understand this concept better and don't complain but see only the joy of the Lord. These people still have burdens, we just don't see them...we see Jesus. This is who I want to be. Inside I am complaining loudly...GOD....WHY AM I HERE?!?!? I COULD BE AT HOME WITH MY FAMILY AND TEACHING IN A SCHOOL WHERE KIDS CARE ABOUT SCHOOL AND WANT TO LEARN!!! WHY WV GOD?!??! YOU PICKED THE WRONG GIRL FOR THIS JOB...IT IS TOO HARD!!!! And today God told me to give Him this burden and to STOP complaining. God is longing to be closer to me, and I am pushing Him away by not accepting what He has given me. So silly huh? Especially when He promises to give us what we need. I thought of Moses and how He kept telling God that he wasn't the man for this job. But, God saw otherwise. He knew that He would give Moses everything that he could possibly need. He knew that he wanted an ordinary man to do something extraordinary....it would give Him more glory. Well, this is my class. It is a huge task...not obviously like freeing the Israelites from bondage of course...but it is more than Amanda can deal with! So, I am trusting once again tonight that God is in control and that He has me with these kids for a reason.

Please pray that I can get rid of the pride that I have. I want so much for these kids to learn. Sometimes I think that I get caught up in what other teachers and the administration see me and my class as...crazy. I take it really personal. Why should I care what they think? Pray that I think about the best interest of each of my kids. Also, please pray for the final burst of endurance. 37 more days to go, and I want to finish strong! Finally, please pray for next year. I am trying to take one day at a time, but I know that next fall is not that far away. At this point, I am praying about whether not to apply here for another year or not. I want God's will...and I want to be so in tune with Him that it is clear what He wants. Pray for listening ears for me.

Well, off to bed I go. Tomorrow I am taking my first sick day. I am greatly looking foward to the day with my bed and Jesus. :)

Reminders are Great

Tonight I have been reminded of where my heart is. It is a good feeling. I will share more soon.

Check this sermon out if you have some time!
http://www.taylor.edu/experience/08_09_chapel_archives.shtml
Click on 01-19-2009 sermon from Bryan Loritts, "Engaging the Less Fortunate"

2009-01-19

Pastor Bryan Loritts, Engaging the Less Fortunate (Matt. 25:31-46)

2009-01-19

Pastor Bryan Loritts, Engaging the Less Fortunate (Matt. 25:31-46)

2009-01-19

Pastor Bryan Loritts, Engaging the Less Fortunate (Matt. 25:31-46)

May the Road Rise up to Meet You and the Wind Always be at Your Back

Happy Saint Patrick's Day! Man I miss Ireland a whole lot this week! I decided to bring in some culture to my students this week by teaching them things about Saint Patrick and Ireland. I made a slide show of some of my pictures... that is where the real sense of missing the place began. How could any one place be so beautiful? And why was God so good to me to allow me to live there for three months? So, today I had a St. Patrick's Day "Celebration" since we were technically not allowed to have a "party." I made rainbow jello and had some other yummy green treats. Then, I decided to challenge myself by teaching my kids some basic Irish steps in dancing. It was a blast! They loved it! I wish that I would have video taped some of it because they were just that cute! :) To be honest, it looked far from anything close to Irish dancing, but they sure tried hard...and had fun! This is something that I would like to do with all my future classes. It was so fun for me and the kids to pull something from another that could be so real with the different resources I was able to bring in.

That was the good part of the week...the rest has been gross. It has probably been one of the longest weeks ever...and it is only Wednesday! I am praying that I make it to Friday in one piece. My kids were wild Monday and have been a little better the past two days...obviously excited about today's festivities. But there is also a lot on my mind besides my kids which sometimes unfortunately comes with me into the classroom. The topper today was at the end of the day while we were all cleaning up. I had brought in my laptop and external hard-drive to show the kids a video of me Irish dancing in Ireland. The day was almost over when I heard screaming. Just then I saw my laptop fall to the floor along with my hard-drive. I went running, but I didn't make it in time. I saw that my laptop looked okay which I was thankful for. Then, I noticed that my hard drive was deformed and looked broke with other pieces from the inside now on the floor. I instantly just started crying realizing what this meant. I just bought my current laptop this summer, so all of my pictures from overseas, college, and the past 5 or so years are backed up on that only. All I could think about was that they were probably gone. The kid who bumped the stand holding the equipment is probably one of the sweetest boys in my class, and I know that he would never do it on purpose. So, I tried to stop crying since I know he felt bad...but that didn't happen. The kids were quieter than ever before and sat in their desks without a whisper till their buses were called. When they all left, I checked the situation out, and I think that things are okay. The hard drive seems to still have my information on it...it just looks messed up. That will work! So, I am praying that my pictures are all really there still and damage only occurred on the outside. I calmed down some after this, and Laura and I stopped at our little grocery store in War on the way home. In there was the little boy who knocked my things down. I was so happy to be able to tell him that everything was okay. He then found me and said he wanted me to meet his grandma who he is living with. She was precious and told me that this little boy came home in tears and said, "Grandma, I did a terrible thing today." He told her what happened and then said, "and then she started crying and I about died inside." When I heard this, I almost started crying again. I explained why I was so emotional and apologized for my reaction. I am so thankful that I had this chance to tell him things were okay right after so that he wasn't worried all night...and also his grandma. She said that she was prepared to write me a check to replace whatever was broken. So soo soo cute and sweet. God is good even in the midst of craziness! We almost didn't stop...but the Lord determines our steps!

Oh...and I got ANOTHER new student today...a second grader. So, I am now up to 22 little ones. My room is getting smaller and the noise is increasing!!!! Also, I have heard rumors that he is a wild one. Honestly, I can't take much more in this class with the different behavior issues. After talking with his aunt...he is another student with much hurt. Pray that he would be one that would adjust quickly in my classroom and be obedient. I know that God is with my little class and that He is in control! Pray that I would continually look to Him for strength. I don't have enough of my own. I am wearing thin. Please also pray that the distractions of life would not get in the way of what God has for me here with my students.

Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts once again. I appreciate each one of you and your prayers!!!! Much love! :)

Rubbin Shoulders with the Mayor

So yesterday was again another long day. There was an after-school program from 6-8 with a visiting author, so Laura and I decided to stay. We ate dinner at the "Coffee Shop" in War which we have been to once. It is a precious little place, one that you would think of in an old, small town. When we went the first time, the owner, Orbi, wanted to know who we were because we didn't look like we were from "around here." She is a short lady with curly black hair and full of personality. I mean her name is Orbi after all. Well, she remembered us right away. Her daughter is the waitress and the mom of a third grader at our school. They both thought that we were never coming again and that they ran us off. While Laura and I were finishing up our meals, an older man walked over to us and sat down at the table next to us. He said, "I bet you don't know who I am, but I know all about y'all." Awesome, right?!? Well, here it was the mayor of War! He had apparently heard about the two random girls from Ohio that are younger than 50. Because it is such a small place, I get the impression that he is not the only one who has noticed that we are here. Oh, he knew where we lived and noticed that our cars were dirty with all the bad weather. So after some small chat...the mayor tells a story about how "War is a different place if you haven't noticed." haha! Nope! :) I guess for breakfast, the whole town comes in to eat some of Orbi's food and for some morning laughs and gossip. The mayor is a regular. Well, one morning someone said, "I just got myself a new gun and it is pretty great" and placed it on the bar counter. The man next to him, says, "that ain't nothing, check mine out." He pulls his out of his pocket and places on the counter, too. This process goes on for each of the 8 men around the bar...all who have guns in their pockets. Then, little Orbi hears them and says, "that ain't nothing boys, check mine out" and pulls out her gun from behind the counter. Yep...that's War.

Well, on to today's highlight...conversation with "Fred." I bet that you wish you could meet this kid by now! :)

We are in the hallway on a bathroom break and Fred is standing on the wall waiting patiently. Then, he says hi to a girl that walks by and smiles. I ask him if that is one of his cousins (since the whole school is related). He said, "That's Lanae, my girlfriend." "Oh! Isn't she a little old for you, Fred since she is in middle school?" I asked. Fred smiled and said, "The older...the better!" I just started cracking up. Then, he went on to tell me how Lanae even kissed him on the lips and would love to marry him. His response, "I may have to wait awhile...at least a few days." :)

I felt prayers today as my kids were a little better behaved and just more joyful. It was a great day, and I really felt the sense that they are growing as students today. God is good, and thank you for your prayers!!! Nothing is impossible with Him!

Too Tired to Think of a Title

This has been a really long week so far...and it is only Tuesday! Yikes!

Well, this past Friday my roommate and I jumped in Gigi and headed up to Ohio for a random visit to my house to cure some of the homesickness that was creeping in. It was such a wonderful weekend!!! My entire family was home and off of work which was perfect. I got lots of hugs and laughter in. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it...but I love my family a whole lot!! Oh...and I was reminded about another fact to tell you about my life in War. We only have four stations...seriously. It wasn't till I was in Ohio that I realized that each time I changed the station, there was something there. :)

So, my little Dilly Bar...aka my nephew Dylan...is growing like a weed and absolutely precious. I cannot resist his smile. And he is running around everywhere now and a constant burst of energy. I think that my favorite new development of his is he and Lexie's friendship. They are precious together! I love that silly dog even more now that I see what she puts up with! :) He chases her, jumps on top of her, tries to ride her, and even tries to kiss her (which looks more like biting her). But a positive for Lexie...Dylan is starting to figure out that he can share his treats with her.

On Sunday afternoon, Laura and I started our journey home. Thankfully, I will be seeing my family again in a month, this time for a week...so leaving wasn't as difficult. After a long drive and a quick but full weekend, I was exhausted. We were almost back to War when I hit a pothole on the side of the road. I figured right away that I may have messed up my alignment since it hit pretty hard. Well, not long after, I heard the thumping start....louder and louder. Did I mention that it was 10pm and pitch black on a mountain road. Oh, and I have no cell reception of course. And...I've only watched a tire being changed, but I wouldn't know even where to start on my own. I knew that soon I would ruin my rim if I hadn't already, but I thought that there was one more little gas station left. I was right! It just happened to be the little shady "pop stop" that Laura and I always say we will never go to. Well, never say never. I went into the shop after seeing my tire and asked if anyone knew how to change a tire. They all looked clueless. The high school girl at the register said that her cousin in the car would probably know. So, this kid gets out, and I just start rambling and asking him for help. Then, I realize that he is an 8th grader at our school and the brother of one of my little girls. So, he and then some other random boy with a very thick country accent started looking for a lug-nut bar. Well, my car didn't have one. So, the other boy goes inside, buys some tobacco, and asks some random guy buying a 12 pack if he could use his four wheeler to get the lug-nut bar. Pretty soon he's back, and the boys have the tire finished in no time. I thank the boys profusely and get back into my car. That's when I just break down and start bawling and tell Laura, "I just had two 8th grade boys change my tire. What if they aren't strong enough to tighten the bolts?" All these thoughts were running through my mind as I knew we had a good fifteen minutes of winding black roads ahead still. Well, after constant prayer all the way back, we made it safely back. After another good cry explaining things to my parents, I started to calm down....a little. I was super overwhelmed, but I know that God protected us and had His hand on us this night! He is good all the time!

Last night, we also had some excitement...but good excitement. My brother's girlfriend and her friend came down just to visit War and us for the night. Laura and I met them in Bluefield for dinner and then they followed us back on the windy roads....Nicole said that she felt like she was now ready to sign up for NASCAR. :) Then, we took them to our two stores...Dollar General and Rite Aid...many options. Yes...if you come to visit...I will show you a good time! ;) I was hoping that they would get to experience some McDowell accents, but things were a little slow last night. We had a great time, and I'm so glad that they came!

So today I go into school exhausted. We wonder why the kids aren't there, but we soon find out that our school has no water. Most schools would not make the teachers come, so I first had a bad attitude and just wanted to sleep so much. But, it was a great day to get things caught up in my room. And, the water is back on...so I think tomorrow I should see my nineteen reasons to smile! :)

But now I think I need one thing...sleep.

The Devil Made me do It!

Today reminded me of my Gramps. He would always tell us little kids that, "the devil made me do it." I can hear him laughing whole heatedly right now as my mom would probably roll her eyes. :) Anyways, this week my second graders have been reading about frogs and how they change as they grow. The kids did a great job today...especially with having a two hour delay. Then, my little "Fred" suggested that we have a frog jumping contest. I figured this would be a fun idea and a way to pull in some extra measurement practice as well. The kids loved it and they jumped as far as they could. Well, Fred was mad that he didn't win, and when I looked over at him, he was bright red with frustration and mumbling things under his breath. I thought things were straightened out, so we went on a quick restroom break. In the hall Fred said, "Miss Marshall, I got to tell you something!" He walked to a corner where no one else was and said, "I think the devil is trying to control my body and I just want Jesus to be in control!" I should mention that he is the boy that tells me, "Cause I'm the devil" ALLL the time. Then, he said, "The devil told me to slam that door really hard and to do bad stuff....but I listened to Jesus." I have to be honest, with this kid's history and his accent, I about died of laughter. If you are having trouble finding the humor...call me and I will tell you the accent. You will laugh too. :)

I love that Fred does know that Jesus wants him to be loving and a good kid! So many of my little ones believe that there is a God, but I think that with so much pain they don't see the love that He brings.

Please pray for these nineteen kids. Today one of my kids that has been struggling with fights in the classroom brought a knife to school. He told me about it, but why does he even have it? I know that this little boy is has a horrible life and is struggling so much. Pray for him!

White as Snow

I'm sitting in my pjs still at noon on a Friday which means...another snow day!! With yesterday and today...we are now up to 19 snow days. That is almost 4 whole weeks of school that we have missed. Wow!!

First, let me tell you that I love the snow! It is beautiful, and there are so many fun activities that you can do during the winter...like skiing (which I still need to do this winter!). However, I am starting to get to the place where I want it gone for a few reasons. One, I actually miss the routine of school and know that it is messing up my kiddos. Two, I can't wait to go outside and run. There are no gyms really around me...at least none that wouldn't scare me to go to in a 45min- hour radius. And I have Pilate videos...however a TV would probably be needed for that. So...yeah...outside is my best choice. And what is better than being active with the sun shining down on you?!? The third reason is that I can't wait for Gigi (my car) to be clean. Ok...what I say next may be a stretch, but it made sense to me the other day...so try to follow with me...

I have cleaned Gigi several times this winter. I live on a main street in a holler, so there are coal trucks always passing by. And, I park my car on the street, so it is basically impossible to keep Gigi clean during these past several months. So, the other day I was at the car wash and spraying her off. It gives me such fulfillment that it makes me laugh. I love seeing her so clean! Sometimes with all the dirt, I forget that underneath she is white. When my dollar ran out, I took a look at her. At first glance, she looked great. She was pretty and white again. The major filth was gone. But, when I looked close, I could see little spots of dirt that still remained. She needed more than a quick rinse, she needed a good scrub. But, most would think that she was clean.

Ok...so you are probably wondering where I am going with this!

Well, it instantly made me think of my relationship with God. There are times when I am so covered in sin that I look gross to Him. He longs to wash that filth and grime away. I know that when we confess to Him, it brings Him so much joy because He loves to wash us clean. Then, there are those times when we are following God and we appear clean to others and we convince ourselves that we can get by looking "pretty" (doing the Christian things). However, when God looks at us, He can still see those little areas that we are holding onto that we need to let go...and let Him scrub away. Even though I believe that He's thankful the majority of the filth is gone...He is not content. He wants us to be holy and pure....to make us white as snow.

It was interesting to me that I was so bothered by these little spots on Gigi. Even if no one else could see them, I knew they were there. It reminds me that sometimes when one is living in sin, it is really obvious and everyone knows and is not surprised. I am the girl that has always known the Lord and wanted to follow Him, but day to day I sin. I am covered with those little spots...not wanting to surrender or obey sometimes. Or not saying what I should or saying what I shouldn't. Many things. It hit me that this is way more embarrassing. I don't want to live a lie and to "appear" to be perfect. I want a good scrub. I want to make my Father proud when He sees me.