As some of you may know, I was offered a job at the international school that I student taught in while in Burkina. It was a great offer...especially for a first year teacher. I love Burkina, I love Africa, I love teaching....it all makes sense....perfect, right?
This was a hard decision in many ways...probably the hardest one of my life so far. It was the first time that I knew that no one else could make this decision for me. I am thankful for the wisdom that so many offered; however, I knew that I only needed one voice--God's. While I was in Burkina and shortly after my return, I was pretty sure that I was going to go. I kept telling myself that this made sense and that I HAVE to go for God (since this is somewhere I think He'd want me). I prayed so much for God's voice and a peace about my decision either way. The longer I prayed, the more I felt God tell me "not yet." I was so worried that my fear of the unknown or the thoughts of leaving everyone I love for two years or the thought of "alone" would make me decide not to go. However, I slowly was able to commit these fully to God, knowing that He is with me through every step, and He will provide for me while holding my hand and walking each step with me. Still, I felt that God was saying "not yet." I kept being reminded of the college selection process four years ago. I kept praying that God would make it clear to me where He wanted me. I knew that is where I would be happiest. Many people who I greatly admire recommended Toccoa Falls in Georgia. This was a CMA college that has a great education and ministry program. Also, financially it was the best deal plus scholarships. I kept telling myself that this is probably where God wants me because it "makes sense." So, my parents and I went to visit one weekend with some other church families. While I was there, I tried to picture myself in the different buildings and on the campus, and I couldn't. At the end of the tour, my mom said to me, "Amanda, stop trying to make yourself fit here, it is obvious that you are miserable." This was a great school, but God had somewhere else in mind. He wanted me at Taylor. Now I see that and thank God constantly for this college and how He has used it to bring me closer to Him and mold me into the woman that He wants me to be. ....All of that to say....this situation with Burkina reminded me of that. Maybe that is where God wants me in the future, but that is not where He wants me now. I also remember my college selection progress in general being extremely stressful trying to figure out God's plan. In time, God closed every door, and clearly showed me that Taylor was where I was going. Thankfully, I learned from this. When you are walking in a daily walk with God...you are already in His will. He knows my heart, and He knows that if He wants me in Africa...I will go. So, I just need to wait and listen patiently for Him to speak. And He did. He never fails!
I felt a peace about saying no to this offer on Tuesday, the 14th....the day before I had to decide. That morning I went with my senior elementary class on a trip to Indy to see a christian school. I have always thought private schools were great; however, I never wanted to teach in one...until this day. As I walked through the school and talked with different teachers, I saw the amazing support that these teachers had. I also realized how much I truly need that support as a first and second year teacher. After four years of a great education, I don't want to just "wing it." I have heard over and over how difficult this time is in the beginning, and also how crucial it is to the rest of your teaching experience. Teaching is not just a job for me. It is a calling that God has given me. Therefore, I need to make sure that I am the best possible teacher that I can be. Knowing that, I need a support system in the beginning. Also this day, I overheard my professor talking with another one of my friends who taught overseas for student teaching. He was telling my professor that he would consider going overseas eventually but not right away. She told him how wise he was and explained her thoughts on this issue. This whole day was another confirmation in my heart that my decision was now made. That night I sent the school an email and informed them of my decision. I thanked God for this peace that I still had at this time.
Since I have contacted the school, God has continued to give me this peace. I have no clue where God wants me this upcoming year, but I know that He will take me there. Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit my third graders from my first student teaching experience. Those few hours were some of the best hours I have ever spent. After being ambushed by thirty third graders, I was able to catch up with them and then see how much they had learned. I was able to share with them all about Africa and answer their thousands of questions. One little girl asked me about the houses in Burkina. I explained that I lived in the city where houses were somewhat similar to houses in the US...except for the lizards of course! Then, I told the students about the houses that surrounded the city and how eight or more people sleep on a small space on the dirt or cement floor. All of their faces looked at me like I was telling them something false. Many of these students are "poor" compared to most Americans; however, they are not in the poverty level of most Burkinabe people. After explaining more, one little boy raised his hand and told us that "it doesn't matter if they are poor because they still have their family and that is the real treasure. Love is better than all." This was one of those "teachable moments" that my professors always talk about...stopping academics to share reality with your students. Being with my students I was able to see how much they felt loved by me and accepted. Not that I was perfect...I was not by far. But I did love each of those kids, and I know that God used me in that school. I left so excited about next August when I hopefully have my own class for a full year.
Don't be afraid of God's will. Follow Him daily and know that He knows the desires of your heart. He just wants us to obey Him. Let Him be God and show you where He wants you. He will!
