The Ocean

This is my third week of full time teaching, and when they say full time, they mean it. Even though I literally come home around 5:30 pm, eat, plan, and go to bed.....I am LOVING teaching! I end up laughing all day long...inside and outside (even when I am trying to be serious and the "adult"). The more that I teach, the more that I realize how much this fits me and who God has created me to be. This semester has been a major challenge and struggle for me socially. A lot has changed with people and with schedules; it hasn't been easy. However, I feel that God has used this heartache for good like always. I have been able to pour my whole self into student teaching and feel like I am succeeding. It is the first time since I have been at Taylor that I have been able to just focus on my relationship with God and one thing. Being a TU student, you end up being over committed and spread too thin. I forgot what it felt like to truly give my all to something. This has been so refreshing!

This week at school I am teaching a unit on the OCEAN!!! Being a scuba diver, I am really passionate about the ocean. Also, last year for my thematic unit, I did it on the ocean. So, it has been so rewarding to get to actually use this unit and to see how the students respond to my ideas. Two days in of fun and three more to go....with a BEACH PARTY on Friday! Get excited! :)

Today my teacher was videotaping my science lesson (the second one I have ever taught...the first being yesterday) about the animals that live in the coral reef, so I was already feeling a little under pressure. Then, as I was teaching, the principal walked in and observed me. I think that it went well, and I surprisingly was not that nervous.

So, two weeks from today, I will be done teaching and on my way home to Ohio for a few days before I head to Burkina Faso. I cannot believe that I am at this point already. I know that my experience in Africa will fly by, also. Therefore, I am going to try to soak the life out of the culture, the people, teaching, and lessons and growth that the Lord has for me. Now, I will continue to pray as I wait.

The One with all the Spilling

Today can be summed up by saying that I literally and emotionally am spilling everything. Thank goodness that I have a Father and a grille worker to clean up my mess!

The one with full time teaching and surrender

This is my sixth week of student teaching....it is seriously flying by!! When people ask how it is going, I simply say, "I love it!" And I do! Every morning when I walk through those doors, I get excited for what is ahead. Being with these students has brought me so much joy which has been so comforting and encouraging. I know that I am right where God wants me. I laugh either to myself or aloud all day long. Today was one of those out loud experiences! One of my students who is a handful to say the very least, decided to beat up a baby doll. Knowing how devastating this would be to a little girl as I myself once related to this, I took the baby doll away and put it next to another baby doll...but I couldn't help laughing when this kid said, "ah, shoot....looky there...twins!" It really isn't that funny writing this, but I seriously could not control my laughter and had to walk away. Whether it is something like that or a nine year old asking me to be his girlfriend...there is always laughter! Besides laughter, I am learning SO MUCH! I am now teaching full time and am really enjoying it. It has been a unique week since ISTEP (Indiana's standardized test) is occurring. Next week we will begin with ISTEP and end the week with a field trip and then all day in-service at Taylor which will be exciting. I really miss being a part of the Taylor community and really miss attending chapel. I think that even though it has been difficult in many aspects to not experience the normal TU life, it has been so good for me. God has taught me so much already, and the year has just begun!

Since I arrived at Taylor, God has been really speaking to my heart about surrender. I have a really difficult time letting anything or anyone go that I love...especially when it is my family and close friends. For years I have struggled with putting my family and friends as my first priority. I guess I just rationalized it by making God a really close 2nd. However, this year God has begun to show me areas in my life that can no longer be that way. I am so thankful for the change that he has been making in my heart. I was reading in Genesis about how God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac. He only waited 100 years to have this kid! What must have Abraham thought as he walked up the mountain beside his precious son who asks his father, "Dad, where's the lamb?". I was awestruck as Abraham responds, "God will provide the lamb," thinking at that point that it was his own son. Then, when God sees Abraham's heart, he blesses him for listening to His voice and being willing to give up his son, his only son- for His sake. This passage jumped out at me as I realized I am experiencing just a glimpse of this situation. God may not have me move thousands of miles away from my family and those I love, but He may. And either way, He wants to know that I am willing and trusting. I have said that I will go anywhere He leads me, but it has taken me a long time to realize that it must mean more than words or intentions but a total surrender of myself. I can't say that I am there all of the way...but I know that my faithful and loving God is molding my heart and holding my hand.

With the whole surrender issue and other situations, I have been very emotional this semester thus far. Even though there is pain and uncertainty, strangely enough I am so content and happy at where I am. I thank God for the joy that He has given me.

The one with the precious love of Jesus

Tonight I am overwhelmed by the love of God. And with that, I am saddened by how much we (me included) as Christians don't take advantage of this all surpassing love. Last night I went to the Spiritual Renewal service, and Colin Smith spoke. The theme is living a Gospel centered life. Since Paraguay God has been really speaking to my heart about the Gospel and what that really means in my life and in sharing it with unbelievers. We often take for granted truly how blessed we are are "sons of God." Colin shared what adoption in Christ really means which I thought was an awesome way of explaining this beautiful picture. He said that the legal part is the hard part and really expensive. Christ made our adoption legal by His death on the cross and shedding His precious blood for our sins. It was the most expensive price He could have paid. But...He thought that I was worth it...and you too! Then, the next part in adoption is the bonding experience. Christ does this by giving us the Holy Spirit and being able to communicate with Him. Wow....I left just thinking about how I don't thank God enough for His love. I think that I often am in such a schedule with God, so I forget to stop and think about who He truly is. Colin read a quote from John Owen, a puritian writer that explained the true heart of God so well. "The greatest sorrow and burdem you can lay on God the Father, the greatest unkindness to Him is not to believe that He loves you." WOW! This is the God that we serve! One that longs to be compassionate to us (Isaiah 30:18) and hear us cry out, "Abba, Father!"

This whole sermon about the love of God came at the perfect time for me. Yesterday and today I have been kind of frustrated with student-teaching overall. I think that there are several things that this stems from...mainly that I am still trying to get used to all of these changes. I am having a difficult time being at Taylor but not being a real student. I miss chapel so much! Last night reminded me of that; however, I am so thankful that I still have the opportunity to experience things like Spiritul Renewal. As far as student teaching, I am teaching about half of the day....less than I thought I would be teaching at week 5, so I have not been too overwhelmed yet. I think that living off campus is required for a reason! I know that I would never be able to complete student teaching in the dorm with all of the distractions (mainly fun ones!!!). Even though there are so many great things about living off campus and I know that it is what I need, I am stiill struggling. I hate that friendships have already changed due to different lives now. I hope that in the spring things go somewhat back to normal because I miss certain people so much.

Well, I think that I am going to go the other spiritual renewal service and then spend the rest of my evening planning for tomorrow and the rest of this week.