Sometimes I am overwhelmed with hurt and pain that others experience...
I am sensitive and feel other's hurts...
I want to change things and make things easier...
I want peace...
Today I am reminded of my Father and how His heart must break constantly for His children. My prayer since I have been here this year has been to give me the eyes and heart of Jesus. Not that I am to that point, but I believe God has allowed me to feel some of that pain. I'm thankful, humbled, and broken.
This afternoon I had a meeting with the parents of one of my students. This boy is very behind in all academic areas, and I am trying to get him some extra help that I feel he needs. I should first mention that I know that he has a rough home life. He is constantly asking for any type of food, his clothing is usually not the cleanest, and he is socially behind in many skills. Also, about two weeks ago I met with his grandparents...who he lives with. During that conversation, they belittled him in front of me. The word "dummy" came up several times. Needless to say, I could easily see why my little guy is so frustrated and constantly tells me that he is not smart and can't do his work. Well, today I met with the mom and her live-in boyfriend. When introduced, she said that she had already met me...which was not true. Then, she asked me if he was in third grade. Wow. The school has paperwork that the parents must fill out in this process, and some of it they could not read. One part asked if he was retained before. They didn't know. I was overwhelmed....this is his mother...who wants custody back. She went on to tell me that I should just sit this boy by himself and punish him if he doesn't do his work. It was the first time that I felt like I was able to fight for my kids in a parent meeting. I knew that I had my principal's support, so I explained what I thought. I told them how I thought he was discouraged and just needed people to believe in him. Yes...he does need extra help academically. However, he needs a lot more than learning his basic facts. I left the meeting upset that some people are parents. Later, I talked with this student and found out that this boyfriend of his mother's hits him and kicks him. He told me that he hopes he doesn't have to go back home with them.
I am at loss for words most days when I hear something about my kids. This is just one story out of 22. Some days I think, "God, why would you put such a sheltered girl like me into a room full of kids that experience hell on earth daily?" I still don't know why fully. I just know that I'm called to love them. I do. So much that it hurts.
There are only fourteen more days of school left with my little ones. I have to admit that I am relieved to be done with all of the behavior problems that come with my job. However, I will miss them like crazy. My prayer is that God would continue to open opportunities for me to share my faith with them. I am so thankful that He has already made this possible numerous times this year. They know who I am and why I am that way. They know that I have hope. I want this for them! Please pray for my kids and that God would replace the anger and hatred they feel with love.
Even though their lives seem like they can't change and that there are so many things against them...which there are...God is bigger! He is not willing that ONE should perish. He is full of compassion and love. He can move mountains and change a heart of stone. So thankful tonight that I have a God who is mighty to save!!
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