It has been awhile

Wow...I just realized that it has been a long time since I have written. I feel like a lot has happened since then. The biggest thing is that I graduated a few weeks ago with my Elementary Education degree. It is the strangest thing to consider myself a teacher now. I have known I have wanted to teach since I was five years old, but it was always a far off dream. Now it is here. Crazy. But I am so excited that it is here and that soon I will hopefully be doing what I have always dreamed of. The past several months I have been spending the majority of my time filling out applications for teaching positions in Ohio, Indiana, North Carolina, and now possibly West Virginia. I am really open to going anywhere as long as I am teaching. Also, I would love to not be totally alone. It would be great to live at home or with some Taylor friends for a year or two to get some teaching experience in. During that time of learning, I want to pay my school loans off so that I can be out of debt. Then, if God is still leading me in the direction He is now, I plan on teaching overseas or starting some type of teaching ministry. Only God knows. I am thankful that He does and that is all that matters. To be honest, the past few weeks at home have been difficult and full of doubt in my heart. I have not only been applying to teaching positions but also to summer jobs. I have never been more broke in my life and now I currently do not have health insurance since I graduated. I feel like each day I hear the clock ticking and more and more of my friends are getting teaching jobs. I have been reminding myself the past few days who gave me this passion for teaching. Why worry when the Lord has directed my steps for twenty-two years. He won't stop now. So, I am excited to see where "next" is for me. Until then, I am enjoying spending time with my family and some extra time with my grandparents. Yesterday I was visiting them and thinking how blessed I am to have grandparents still that love me so much and that I can see whenever I want. I don't want to take this for granted.

Well, besides all of that....our swimming pool is almost ready for jumping in! Today we can see the bottom of the deep end. I am always like a little kid when it comes to the pool. We are hoping that Lexie (our 125lb. dog) doesn't try swimming too. This is her first summer with us, so she is still trying to figure out why we are now outside so much and looking at this cement pond. It ought to be interesting. :)

Here are some pictures of the last days while at Taylor.

Dr. Quinn with Ellen, Britt, and I at the Education Breakfast

Wonderful Elementary Education majors...we LOVE T-A-Y-L-O-R!

My wonderful family and I after the graduation ceremony

A Glimpse into Poverty from a Materialistic Girl

Throughout my time at Taylor, God has opened my eyes up to the world and to what the Gospel truly is. I am repeatedly challenged by messages involving social justice. I know that our God is a God of justice. One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 30:18 where it says:

The Lord longs to be gracious to you.

He rises to show you compassion.

The Lord is a God of justice,

Blessed are all who wait on Him.

Sometimes when I read this verse I insert my name in the "you's." Also, I insert people groups around the world who I have worked with and seem hopeless. This reminds me that God love for them is so powerful and that His heart breaks for the injustice that they are facing.

The past three years, Taylor has set up a Cardboard Community for Social Justice Week. This is the second year that I have participated. Last year, my friend Ellen and I decided to live outside in the cardboard box community. We had a lot of academic things that week, so this was really the only part that we were involved in. It was eye opening but a lot of fun. This week was Social Justice Week, and it has been one my lightest weeks so far. So, my friend Britt and I decided that we would build a cardboard home together. I was so excited to be more involved and to get a better glimpse of what breaks my God's heart.

I have to admit, I had no idea what a challenge this would be this year. The cardboard this year was flimsy and smaller, making house building extremely difficult. So, after 3 and a half hours, Britt and I had a home that looked like it could fall over at a moment's notice. Monday night we got into our house and it rained literally the entire night. I woke up around 3am with water pouring on my face and my pillow soaking wet. I couldn't sleep the rest of the night and was simply miserable. I remember looking at the time and thinking that I still had several hours till I could leave. Later I began to think about the whole leaving thing. Homeless people don't have the option to go back to a warm apartment if their box or street sleeping is just too much on them. I knew that in a few days this would be all over, and I would be back in my comfy bed. Homeless people don't experience this. I started to think about how hopeless they must be each day waking up to this reality.

The second night in our box was just as bad except we were so tired that we slept a little better. It had rained the entire day and again through the entire night. Our box was half soaking wet, so we managed to sleep in a ball tucked at the bottom. I woke up thinking that I don't know if I could do a third night. However, Britt and I lifted each other's spirits and we ventured out last night for our final night. When we got to our box, it was totally soaked and all of the walls were collapsing. We almost went back to our houses and gave up. But, then Britt had the idea of sleeping under the overhang of one of our academic buildings. We grabbed some sleeping bags from friends since ours were too wet. I can't remember two seconds after I put my head down. I woke up a few times being cold, but I slept pretty well.

To be honest, I am really thankful that tonight I will be in my bed. I don' t think that I will ever forget this week. It wasn't fun, it was miserable. I think that is what I needed though to get a more realistic view of the injustice occurring all over America and the world.

It is exciting to me that so many Taylor students are aware of this and want to make a difference. I pray that God continues to make us uncomfortable and uses our hands and feet to bring justice to His precious children.

This week we have been singing "Hosanna" by Hillsong. This is one of my favorite songs, and I think that it was perfect for this week.

I see the king of glory

Coming on the clouds with fire

The whole earth shakes

The whole earth shakes

Yeeeah

I see his love and mercy

Washing over all our sin

The people sing

The people sing

[Chorus]

Hosanna

Hosanna

Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation

Rising up to take their place

With selfless faith

With selfless faith

I see a near revival

Stirring as we pray and seek

We're on our knees

We're on our knees

[Chorus]

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours

Everything I am for your kingdoms cause

As I go from nothing to Eternity

[Chorus]

The Potter's Hands

A few weeks ago I secretly had a ceramics lesson with Laura, who is currently in the class. It was such a wonderful and fun experience. I have worked with clay before, but I have never done wheel throwing. The whole thing was a process that had such meaning to me when I thought about our Potter.

First, the clay is really tough, so you have to throw it as hard as you can to soften it. Sometimes, God has to take us through storms and even fire in order to speak to us and to get us to have softened hearts. Next, we had to center the clay on the wheel. Without being centered, the whole thing would fall apart. Without keeping God our center and our focus, this will happen to us, too. After that, you can start to make whatever it is you are making. Laura kept telling me that I needed to add more water because it dries out quickly. This made me think of prayer and time with God. We are only nourished and able to be filled vessels when we are filled with Him. We need more and more of this. We can never have enough. I decided to make a bowl for my first item. Getting the clay to look like a bowl took many steps. However, towards the end, after my hands had softened the clay and worked with it a great deal, it started to follow every slight movement that my hands went. Soon, I had a beautiful bowl (at least I thought so). Again, this reminds me of our Potter. Even when He speaks to us and we know He is working, we sometimes still want to hold on ourselves. We don't know what the outcome is going to look like. But, when we choose to give our lives 100% to the Potter's hands, we can freely be molded into something beautiful. Then, the Potter looks at His work and is so proud. He forgets all about the beginning steps and the resistance; He only sees beauty.

I am so thankful that I had this experience. The song, "Potter's Hand" was always one of my favorites, but now that phrase has a whole new meaning.

Spring Break in Ohio

For spring break I went home to be with my family. It was a great week that went by too quickly. I decided that I will make a list of the highlights:

In no particular order....
1. Learned how to knit (Thanks, Sherri!) :)
2. Watched enough Cavs' (Cleveland Caveliers) games to get myself hooked like the rest of my family.
3. Witnessed Lexie getting a bath which she hates!
4. Spent the day in Cleveland with my momma
5. Got to make some cash for the first time in way too long
6. Slept in
7. Wore flannel polar bear PJs that my momma got me...that may give you an idea of the weather
8. I beat some Guitar Hero songs on "Hard" with Brian...took us hours and even some headaches
9. Rented a lot of movies with Bri...most of which I fell asleep on
10. Had good converstations with each member of my family and was able to spend a good amount of time with each of them. God is good.

The Pursuit of God

Whenever I get some extra time from reading all the books I have for my classes, I have been reading, Wild at Heart by John Elderedge. So far, I have really enjoyed this book. A few weeks ago I was reading about how women long to be pursued by a man. I would have to agree. :) Then, it talked about how God also longs for us to pursue Him. I know that His word tells us to love Him with all of our hearts, our souls, and our minds. This would obviously mean basically the same thing. In my mind though, they were separate. I know that God wants our love and everything from us. But personally knowing and understanding the word "pursue," takes things to a different level. I want that man to pursue me because he loves spending time with me and wants to know me deeper. I want him to desire to know the silly little quirks about me. I want him to call me randomly during the day to let me know that he's thinking of me. It hit me this night that Jesus wants us to do the same. He wants us to long to be with Him and to know as much about Him as possible.

This past year has been a strange year for me in regards to friendships. Honestly....I have been struggling big time. I attach myself to people I love and would spend every minute with them if possible. Last week I was having a pity party for myself that things shouldn't be the way that they are. How could these people that I love not want to be with me all the time? I love them! Well, today God again brought me back to the idea of me pursuing Him. I heard Him say to me, "Amanda, I know your pain because I sometimes feel this from you. I want you to pursue me." Wow. Again God has shown me that I must continue to put Him before men.

Go pursue God...He is waiting!

Coming to an end...with a new beginning in sight

This past week was the first week of classes for my last semester. It was one of the longest weeks of Taylor for me. I forgot a little what it is like to be a student. Being out of classes and getting a glimpse into the "real world" and then coming back to studying and homework is not easy. However, I am so thankful that I will be finishing off my time here at Taylor with all of my friends as a legitimate college student.

Anyways...I am a pretty sentimental person, so I have been thinking about the "last" this and the "last" that since August, the start of senior year. The truth is that I love Taylor University. It has been nothing but a blessing in my life. These past four years have truly been my best; however, they have also been the most challenging. When I look around the campus, I see beauty everywhere. This beauty is mainly in the people that make up this place. Being a senior, there are times when you feel like you don't know anyone because there are so many underclassmen. Even so, there are so many people that I walk by and am thankful for knowing them. I sometimes get excited to think that we have all been under the same type of an education and that we each have such different gifts and talents and personalities. It makes me think of the Body of Christ and how we all work together. How amazing it would be if all of these Taylor students and all the other Christians out there, would keep this type of energy and passion about the Lord and use it for His glory. It is beyond comprehension I think. Being with these people and seeing Christ shining brightly fills me with hope. I still know that I will struggle with leaving, but I will leave in hope of a bright future...knowing that God is working everywhere through His people...especially in those Upland students. :)

The Peace of God

As some of you may know, I was offered a job at the international school that I student taught in while in Burkina. It was a great offer...especially for a first year teacher. I love Burkina, I love Africa, I love teaching....it all makes sense....perfect, right?

This was a hard decision in many ways...probably the hardest one of my life so far. It was the first time that I knew that no one else could make this decision for me. I am thankful for the wisdom that so many offered; however, I knew that I only needed one voice--God's. While I was in Burkina and shortly after my return, I was pretty sure that I was going to go. I kept telling myself that this made sense and that I HAVE to go for God (since this is somewhere I think He'd want me). I prayed so much for God's voice and a peace about my decision either way. The longer I prayed, the more I felt God tell me "not yet." I was so worried that my fear of the unknown or the thoughts of leaving everyone I love for two years or the thought of "alone" would make me decide not to go. However, I slowly was able to commit these fully to God, knowing that He is with me through every step, and He will provide for me while holding my hand and walking each step with me. Still, I felt that God was saying "not yet." I kept being reminded of the college selection process four years ago. I kept praying that God would make it clear to me where He wanted me. I knew that is where I would be happiest. Many people who I greatly admire recommended Toccoa Falls in Georgia. This was a CMA college that has a great education and ministry program. Also, financially it was the best deal plus scholarships. I kept telling myself that this is probably where God wants me because it "makes sense." So, my parents and I went to visit one weekend with some other church families. While I was there, I tried to picture myself in the different buildings and on the campus, and I couldn't. At the end of the tour, my mom said to me, "Amanda, stop trying to make yourself fit here, it is obvious that you are miserable." This was a great school, but God had somewhere else in mind. He wanted me at Taylor. Now I see that and thank God constantly for this college and how He has used it to bring me closer to Him and mold me into the woman that He wants me to be. ....All of that to say....this situation with Burkina reminded me of that. Maybe that is where God wants me in the future, but that is not where He wants me now. I also remember my college selection progress in general being extremely stressful trying to figure out God's plan. In time, God closed every door, and clearly showed me that Taylor was where I was going. Thankfully, I learned from this. When you are walking in a daily walk with God...you are already in His will. He knows my heart, and He knows that if He wants me in Africa...I will go. So, I just need to wait and listen patiently for Him to speak. And He did. He never fails!

I felt a peace about saying no to this offer on Tuesday, the 14th....the day before I had to decide. That morning I went with my senior elementary class on a trip to Indy to see a christian school. I have always thought private schools were great; however, I never wanted to teach in one...until this day. As I walked through the school and talked with different teachers, I saw the amazing support that these teachers had. I also realized how much I truly need that support as a first and second year teacher. After four years of a great education, I don't want to just "wing it." I have heard over and over how difficult this time is in the beginning, and also how crucial it is to the rest of your teaching experience. Teaching is not just a job for me. It is a calling that God has given me. Therefore, I need to make sure that I am the best possible teacher that I can be. Knowing that, I need a support system in the beginning. Also this day, I overheard my professor talking with another one of my friends who taught overseas for student teaching. He was telling my professor that he would consider going overseas eventually but not right away. She told him how wise he was and explained her thoughts on this issue. This whole day was another confirmation in my heart that my decision was now made. That night I sent the school an email and informed them of my decision. I thanked God for this peace that I still had at this time.

Since I have contacted the school, God has continued to give me this peace. I have no clue where God wants me this upcoming year, but I know that He will take me there. Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit my third graders from my first student teaching experience. Those few hours were some of the best hours I have ever spent. After being ambushed by thirty third graders, I was able to catch up with them and then see how much they had learned. I was able to share with them all about Africa and answer their thousands of questions. One little girl asked me about the houses in Burkina. I explained that I lived in the city where houses were somewhat similar to houses in the US...except for the lizards of course! Then, I told the students about the houses that surrounded the city and how eight or more people sleep on a small space on the dirt or cement floor. All of their faces looked at me like I was telling them something false. Many of these students are "poor" compared to most Americans; however, they are not in the poverty level of most Burkinabe people. After explaining more, one little boy raised his hand and told us that "it doesn't matter if they are poor because they still have their family and that is the real treasure. Love is better than all." This was one of those "teachable moments" that my professors always talk about...stopping academics to share reality with your students. Being with my students I was able to see how much they felt loved by me and accepted. Not that I was perfect...I was not by far. But I did love each of those kids, and I know that God used me in that school. I left so excited about next August when I hopefully have my own class for a full year.

Don't be afraid of God's will. Follow Him daily and know that He knows the desires of your heart. He just wants us to obey Him. Let Him be God and show you where He wants you. He will!