Today I decided that since I have thirty days exactly till I have to fit into a bridesmaid dress for Amanda and DK's wedding...exercising is a must. Earlier this week...Monday...I broke my toe. Well, it was feeling much better, and I was craving a good run where I could just pray and spend some time with God. It started pouring rain as I got ready. I contemplated staying nice and dry...but I decided that I didn't care...let it rain on me. As I was running, I was reminded of the song, "Grace Like Rain." It talks about how Jesus's grace is so overflowing that it soaks us like rain. As I was literally dripping wet by the end of my run, I was thrilled with the thought of my Father. So thankful today for the rain and its reminder.
This week ended okay. I took a sick day yesterday so that I could go to the doctors since I am sick of being sick. It has been almost 5 weeks that I've had this cold, and it does not want to go away. Well, now I am on a strong antibiotic...so hopefully that will do the trick. Last night as many of you Ohio people know....the CAVS played game 6. This game I knew would be a big deal, so I didn't want to miss it. Since we don't have a TV, Laura and I decided to drive to Bluefield in hopes of catching the game somewhere....well, I don't know how much Laura was hoping for that! ha! On our way there, I got stopped by the police. I was speeding. I honestly didn't know that I was since I thought that the speed limit was different. Who knew there were cops in War anyways? This was the first time that I've been pulled over, so I was hoping that I would get a warning...nope. Well, this basically threw me into a mess, and I thought about what the heck the Lord is trying to show me. It seems like Satan is trying to attack me in every area of life. I find myself saying to the Lord daily, "seriously?!?" I cannot believe all of this most days, and it seems like things just keep piling on. Well, after I calmed down a little, we got to watch the game at Applebee's and then at Sara's house. Unfortunately, this did not have a good ending. I could not believe how upset I was. No matter how many times I kept telling myself that this was just a game, I couldn't help but take it so personal. Yes...I even did shed a few tears. Ridiculous, I know! Last night we did not deserve to win. However, I know that we are a team that has the ability to play AMAZING, and last night was c.r.a.p.! So, we will now wait and see what happens next year. I am really hoping that Bron Bron stays! I love these boys and their sense of unity. I am also sad that I have to wait a long time to see my boys play again. There is always next year....I still love them!
So...yeah...last night was rough.
And honestly...today at school was rough and my kids were driving me crazy with their behavior and lack of respect. BUT....God has flooded me with His grace. It shows up EVERYWHERE!!! I'm so thankful for that today! :)
Friday, May 14, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
When I don't know the right words to say
Being an extrovert and always having something to say, lately I have found myself in a strange position...speechless. I constantly have thoughts running through my head, but I have not been able to make sense of most of them. I have attempted to blog many times, but I've been too overwhelmed to get my thoughts down. So...I apologize in advance.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I believe I have mentioned before in my blog that I have always dreamed of teaching. Now that I have reached that dream, I feel somewhat like I don't know what else there is. Not that teaching is not enough, but I don't feel like that is the only thing that God has called me to. Actually, I am quite certain of that. As many of you know, I felt called into full time ministry in 2004, when I was a junior in high school. Since then, I have been trying to walk obedient in God's will. This year God has truly opened my eyes in ways that I cannot describe. First of all, I now do not feel just a heart for overseas missions like I did before. God has allowed me to witness a close to home mission field. Also, I have continually prayed since I've been in WV that God would give me His eyes and His heart for these people...especially my little ones. Well, praise be to God! He has done this. My heart has been broken over and over for these kids. However, I have recently been struggling with what the next step is. They know who I am and that I love them very much...in a different way. Lately my heart has been saying that isn't enough. I've been praying about what this next step is and whether or not that involves staying another year or not.
My heart is at this point full of uncertainty...well about everything except for being certain of God and His love. God has lead me to War this year for a reason. Some days I can understand that purpose more than other days. So, now I am trying to ask Him if this was a one year thing or if I am here for the long haul...(which means at least another year). Honestly, the thought of another full year here is more than my mind and heart can bear. But God will give me the strength to get through one day at a time if that is His plan. The past few weeks, I have sought God on this and asked for clarity. All that I feel like He has made clear to me is to TRUST and REST. There are still no job postings at the school and there are many things here in my life that are in question. So, even if I wanted to, I couldn't make a clear choice at this point. But, I want to. My personality that clings to order and stability wants to know. Through these past few weeks, God has reminded me of many decision points in my life. In each of these, He has come in the eleventh hour. And in each of these, He has made the decision crystal clear and closed the other options. So....I am currently reminding myself that I am to cast my cares and worries on Him and not try to figure this out. I will be doing my part the best I know how....I will apply to any spots here that come up and also to ones at home. At this point, my heart is not feeling led anywhere else. So I will wait for Him. Did I mention I sometimes stink at that?!? Please pray for me!
Also, lately my heart for overseas missions has been stirred once again. I still don't know to what extent or how or even when overseas missions will play in my life...but it has to be there. It is my passion. My heart beats and feels purpose when I hear about passages like Matthew 25 or think about the world and its need for Jesus...for hope. I've been searching lately for God's heart on the lost people. The pastor that I am currently sitting under believes in predestination. I am greatly struggling with this and with other issues. I believe that God is all knowing and all powerful. He changes a heart of stone. I've been wrestling with a lot of questions lately. Why does He choose to change some hearts and not others? Will those who have never heard be held responsible? Well, I don't know exactly how I feel about these. But I'm continuing to search. What I keep finding is that I serve a compassionate warrior. He is full of love and full of justice. He is not willing that one should perish because He created each person in His own likeness. That to me solves the question of predestination. As far as the questions about those who have not heard. The Great Commission is huge. It is for ALL believers. Also, Acts 1:8 reminds us that we are to go into all of the world with the Gospel. One of my favorite parts of scripture is in 1 Corinthians 9...when Paul tells us that we need to lose ourselves and do what we need to for the sake of the Gospel and that others may share in its blessings...its HOPE. In my heart, I believe that Jesus made us disciples and followers of His for more than what our minds can comprehend. We need to be more than "examples" to those around us. He wants to use us in mighty ways for His glory. I want to be used and sent where He wants me. I am so sick of myself and my emotions and attachments to this world coming in the way of His plan. I do believe that all will be held responsible. So Christians...we MUST wake up! There are people in front of us and millions of miles away that need Jesus. WE (me at the top of the list) must put ourselves last and remember that this life is but a vapor. I long to be filled with purpose daily...of who I am spending eternity with.
I am thankful for this time of searching. I believe God is with me and wants to show me more of Himself. But that doesn't mean it isn't difficult and sometimes painful. It involves me letting go more and more of my control. That is truly what I want though. I want more of my Father. I want to be the woman that makes Him smile.
Speaking of smiling...I should tell you about this weekend. Mom and Dad came to War to visit and to meet my kiddos. They got here on Saturday when they got to meet all of the friends that God has so richly blessed me with this year. We all had a wonderful dinner together in Bluefield. Then, Sunday was Mother's Day. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to spend the day with my mom on this day. It was the first time in 5 years that we have been together because of college. What a joy to praise Jesus side by side. Her life means so much to me. I attribute who I am as a woman and who I am in the Lord to my mother. Her faith in God and her daily example to me challenges me to be the woman that God created me to be. She is my hero, and I cannot thank God enough for giving me my mom...my best friend. I love you, Momma! On Monday, Mom and Dad spent the day with me in my classroom. I think that they were a little shocked at what they saw. But they fell instantly in love with those kids like I have. They were a huge hit with my kids, and I know that they will be the talk of the class for the remainder of the year. One of my boys said to me,"I can see where you get your looks because your Mom is hot." I set him straight that she is beautiful! Oh, and two different people thought we were sisters this weekend. And, one of my boys also didn't think that they could be my real parents since he thought they looked so young. Besides the fact that they are too cute....I am so proud to be their daughter. Their love and support for me overwhelms me. They headed back home this morning, so I guess it is back to reality for me. The long haul isn't so long anymore. I will be home very soon. Thank you so much Mom and Dad for spending your time, money, and energy to love others. It means so much to me, and once again I am filled with thankfulness.
Well, I figured that I would end with a little more specific updates from my classroom lately.
I'll start with...thank You, God for getting me through the past two weeks...the longest and hardest ones that I've faced this year. Here are some of the rough spots from the past two weeks:
-I had the "b word" (as my kids would say) written with marker on my desk chair. I was furious!
-I had a kid get in my face and scream at me, followed by him throwing a chair.
-My special education boy that I was helping at his desk, tried to cut my hair. Thank goodness for dull kid scissors!
-I have not been able to kick this cold since Easter, so many days I have almost lost my voice and felt miserable during the day.
-I have had several parent meetings that seem to not be getting anywhere with regards to their kids' behavior
-My kids' behavior is starting to get out of control with the warmer weather, and I've left many days feeling like a failure due to the lack of learning happening.
-I broke my little toe by accidentally running into the door jam...so I don't know if running will be in my near future plans.
So...God has still been faithful, even in the rough times:
-Gigi is fixed after 2 months of having her parked and is running great (that is my car)!
-Most days have been full of beautiful sunshine
-God has reminded me of His love daily
-I have some amazing friends
-I am blessed beyond measure!
-I got my first Mother's Day card from one of my students who thanked me for acting like a mom to her. Wow...my heart was touched.
-I have been able to watch most of the CAVS games!!
Please pray that I would continue to seek Jesus' face in the midst of many upcoming decisions. Pray that I would finish this last month of teaching being more than a teacher. I ask that you would pray that God would bring His clarity to me...in His timing. Please pray that I would accept that and be obedient while I wait. Thanks for once again listening to my heart. It means so much to me!
Much love.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I believe I have mentioned before in my blog that I have always dreamed of teaching. Now that I have reached that dream, I feel somewhat like I don't know what else there is. Not that teaching is not enough, but I don't feel like that is the only thing that God has called me to. Actually, I am quite certain of that. As many of you know, I felt called into full time ministry in 2004, when I was a junior in high school. Since then, I have been trying to walk obedient in God's will. This year God has truly opened my eyes in ways that I cannot describe. First of all, I now do not feel just a heart for overseas missions like I did before. God has allowed me to witness a close to home mission field. Also, I have continually prayed since I've been in WV that God would give me His eyes and His heart for these people...especially my little ones. Well, praise be to God! He has done this. My heart has been broken over and over for these kids. However, I have recently been struggling with what the next step is. They know who I am and that I love them very much...in a different way. Lately my heart has been saying that isn't enough. I've been praying about what this next step is and whether or not that involves staying another year or not.
My heart is at this point full of uncertainty...well about everything except for being certain of God and His love. God has lead me to War this year for a reason. Some days I can understand that purpose more than other days. So, now I am trying to ask Him if this was a one year thing or if I am here for the long haul...(which means at least another year). Honestly, the thought of another full year here is more than my mind and heart can bear. But God will give me the strength to get through one day at a time if that is His plan. The past few weeks, I have sought God on this and asked for clarity. All that I feel like He has made clear to me is to TRUST and REST. There are still no job postings at the school and there are many things here in my life that are in question. So, even if I wanted to, I couldn't make a clear choice at this point. But, I want to. My personality that clings to order and stability wants to know. Through these past few weeks, God has reminded me of many decision points in my life. In each of these, He has come in the eleventh hour. And in each of these, He has made the decision crystal clear and closed the other options. So....I am currently reminding myself that I am to cast my cares and worries on Him and not try to figure this out. I will be doing my part the best I know how....I will apply to any spots here that come up and also to ones at home. At this point, my heart is not feeling led anywhere else. So I will wait for Him. Did I mention I sometimes stink at that?!? Please pray for me!
Also, lately my heart for overseas missions has been stirred once again. I still don't know to what extent or how or even when overseas missions will play in my life...but it has to be there. It is my passion. My heart beats and feels purpose when I hear about passages like Matthew 25 or think about the world and its need for Jesus...for hope. I've been searching lately for God's heart on the lost people. The pastor that I am currently sitting under believes in predestination. I am greatly struggling with this and with other issues. I believe that God is all knowing and all powerful. He changes a heart of stone. I've been wrestling with a lot of questions lately. Why does He choose to change some hearts and not others? Will those who have never heard be held responsible? Well, I don't know exactly how I feel about these. But I'm continuing to search. What I keep finding is that I serve a compassionate warrior. He is full of love and full of justice. He is not willing that one should perish because He created each person in His own likeness. That to me solves the question of predestination. As far as the questions about those who have not heard. The Great Commission is huge. It is for ALL believers. Also, Acts 1:8 reminds us that we are to go into all of the world with the Gospel. One of my favorite parts of scripture is in 1 Corinthians 9...when Paul tells us that we need to lose ourselves and do what we need to for the sake of the Gospel and that others may share in its blessings...its HOPE. In my heart, I believe that Jesus made us disciples and followers of His for more than what our minds can comprehend. We need to be more than "examples" to those around us. He wants to use us in mighty ways for His glory. I want to be used and sent where He wants me. I am so sick of myself and my emotions and attachments to this world coming in the way of His plan. I do believe that all will be held responsible. So Christians...we MUST wake up! There are people in front of us and millions of miles away that need Jesus. WE (me at the top of the list) must put ourselves last and remember that this life is but a vapor. I long to be filled with purpose daily...of who I am spending eternity with.
I am thankful for this time of searching. I believe God is with me and wants to show me more of Himself. But that doesn't mean it isn't difficult and sometimes painful. It involves me letting go more and more of my control. That is truly what I want though. I want more of my Father. I want to be the woman that makes Him smile.
Speaking of smiling...I should tell you about this weekend. Mom and Dad came to War to visit and to meet my kiddos. They got here on Saturday when they got to meet all of the friends that God has so richly blessed me with this year. We all had a wonderful dinner together in Bluefield. Then, Sunday was Mother's Day. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to spend the day with my mom on this day. It was the first time in 5 years that we have been together because of college. What a joy to praise Jesus side by side. Her life means so much to me. I attribute who I am as a woman and who I am in the Lord to my mother. Her faith in God and her daily example to me challenges me to be the woman that God created me to be. She is my hero, and I cannot thank God enough for giving me my mom...my best friend. I love you, Momma! On Monday, Mom and Dad spent the day with me in my classroom. I think that they were a little shocked at what they saw. But they fell instantly in love with those kids like I have. They were a huge hit with my kids, and I know that they will be the talk of the class for the remainder of the year. One of my boys said to me,"I can see where you get your looks because your Mom is hot." I set him straight that she is beautiful! Oh, and two different people thought we were sisters this weekend. And, one of my boys also didn't think that they could be my real parents since he thought they looked so young. Besides the fact that they are too cute....I am so proud to be their daughter. Their love and support for me overwhelms me. They headed back home this morning, so I guess it is back to reality for me. The long haul isn't so long anymore. I will be home very soon. Thank you so much Mom and Dad for spending your time, money, and energy to love others. It means so much to me, and once again I am filled with thankfulness.
Well, I figured that I would end with a little more specific updates from my classroom lately.
I'll start with...thank You, God for getting me through the past two weeks...the longest and hardest ones that I've faced this year. Here are some of the rough spots from the past two weeks:
-I had the "b word" (as my kids would say) written with marker on my desk chair. I was furious!
-I had a kid get in my face and scream at me, followed by him throwing a chair.
-My special education boy that I was helping at his desk, tried to cut my hair. Thank goodness for dull kid scissors!
-I have not been able to kick this cold since Easter, so many days I have almost lost my voice and felt miserable during the day.
-I have had several parent meetings that seem to not be getting anywhere with regards to their kids' behavior
-My kids' behavior is starting to get out of control with the warmer weather, and I've left many days feeling like a failure due to the lack of learning happening.
-I broke my little toe by accidentally running into the door jam...so I don't know if running will be in my near future plans.
So...God has still been faithful, even in the rough times:
-Gigi is fixed after 2 months of having her parked and is running great (that is my car)!
-Most days have been full of beautiful sunshine
-God has reminded me of His love daily
-I have some amazing friends
-I am blessed beyond measure!
-I got my first Mother's Day card from one of my students who thanked me for acting like a mom to her. Wow...my heart was touched.
-I have been able to watch most of the CAVS games!!
Please pray that I would continue to seek Jesus' face in the midst of many upcoming decisions. Pray that I would finish this last month of teaching being more than a teacher. I ask that you would pray that God would bring His clarity to me...in His timing. Please pray that I would accept that and be obedient while I wait. Thanks for once again listening to my heart. It means so much to me!
Much love.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
It's Been Awhile
It has been so long since my last blog that I'm not really sure where to start.
I guess I'll start by saying that I had a wonderful spring/Easter break at home in O-H-I-O with my family. During this time, I spent half of the break chasing around a seventeen month old that brings amazing joy to my life. Dylan is no longer a little baby...he is a busy little man. He wore his aunt out after several days of running around, but I cannot get enough of him and his precious smile. We are so blessed to get to have him in our lives! I am greatly looking forward to this summer when I can be a full-time aunt! :) Other than time with my Dilly Bar, I got to watch some good movies, relax on the couch, watch the CAVS play, and be surrounded by my favorite people in the world. Pictures will be coming soon! :)
So, I'm back in War. I feel like I am, too. I had a really tough time leaving home this break knowing that I was coming back to such a difficult position. It is a daily struggle to keep positive and keep my energy up. With my own strength, it doesn't work. And I truly believe that is why things aren't as good as I know they could be. I am leaning a lot on myself and my abilities and sometimes forget that it is ALL about God and that without Him I am nothing. I have been hearing Him say a lot this week, "Less of Amanda and more of ME!" Each day this week I have went in with a smile and tried to challenge and love these little ones. Well, today I think I failed. I should probably back up to the fact that I am pretty sick with a cold in my lungs. Thanks Ohio for snowing a random day during break! I still love you though! Anyways, today I felt miserable, and I probably should not have even been at school. Well, I asked the kids to help me out today since I was feeling so crappy...and they didn't. In fact they were absolutely wild. After coming out of a meeting at the end of the day to find that three of my kids were in fights during music, I was done. Hardly anything academic got done today because I couldn't get the kids to get on task. I felt all day like a failure. Once the last kid left I just broke down. Some days are just too much. There is so much heartache in my classroom, and they act out because they are screaming for attention. I realized when I calmed down that I'm not even upset at the kids and their behaviors...I'm broken for them. And I don't know how to help. Days like this I feel so inadequate and wonder why God brought me here. I asked Him that today. I only have 37 more days of school and my kids are still acting like this. Why God? What have I done for You by being here? I honestly don't know the full answers to these questions, but God did remind me that love is powerful. That LOVE conquers all. But why is that sometimes not enough for me?
Today I was reading in "My Utmost for His Highest" and Chambers said that God often makes things tough for us so that we can be in fellowship with Him. Then, when we get to the tough part, we start complaining and whining. This is me.
(When I was at home with my family, things were comfortable and familiar. I know how to succeed at home. I realized at the end of the break, that I pushed my time with God almost out the window while I was home. It made me so upset at myself because when I'm in War I can't live without Him. I crave His word and our daily time together. Why do I fool myself by thinking I have things under control the moment I step back into comfort? I'm glad that I had this realization now before I got home for summer....or this could be very dangerous. )
Anyways...back to today's reading...in the midst of our complaining, we wish that we were like others...without the burden. However, God gives those He loves burdens to carry...so that we can give them back to Him and become more reliant on Him. Some just understand this concept better and don't complain but see only the joy of the Lord. These people still have burdens, we just don't see them...we see Jesus. This is who I want to be. Inside I am complaining loudly...GOD....WHY AM I HERE?!?!? I COULD BE AT HOME WITH MY FAMILY AND TEACHING IN A SCHOOL WHERE KIDS CARE ABOUT SCHOOL AND WANT TO LEARN!!! WHY WV GOD?!??! YOU PICKED THE WRONG GIRL FOR THIS JOB...IT IS TOO HARD!!!! And today God told me to give Him this burden and to STOP complaining. God is longing to be closer to me, and I am pushing Him away by not accepting what He has given me. So silly huh? Especially when He promises to give us what we need. I thought of Moses and how He kept telling God that he wasn't the man for this job. But, God saw otherwise. He knew that He would give Moses everything that he could possibly need. He knew that he wanted an ordinary man to do something extraordinary....it would give Him more glory. Well, this is my class. It is a huge task...not obviously like freeing the Israelites from bondage of course...but it is more than Amanda can deal with! So, I am trusting once again tonight that God is in control and that He has me with these kids for a reason.
Please pray that I can get rid of the pride that I have. I want so much for these kids to learn. Sometimes I think that I get caught up in what other teachers and the administration see me and my class as...crazy. I take it really personal. Why should I care what they think? Pray that I think about the best interest of each of my kids. Also, please pray for the final burst of endurance. 37 more days to go, and I want to finish strong! Finally, please pray for next year. I am trying to take one day at a time, but I know that next fall is not that far away. At this point, I am praying about whether not to apply here for another year or not. I want God's will...and I want to be so in tune with Him that it is clear what He wants. Pray for listening ears for me.
Well, off to bed I go. Tomorrow I am taking my first sick day. I am greatly looking foward to the day with my bed and Jesus. :)
I guess I'll start by saying that I had a wonderful spring/Easter break at home in O-H-I-O with my family. During this time, I spent half of the break chasing around a seventeen month old that brings amazing joy to my life. Dylan is no longer a little baby...he is a busy little man. He wore his aunt out after several days of running around, but I cannot get enough of him and his precious smile. We are so blessed to get to have him in our lives! I am greatly looking forward to this summer when I can be a full-time aunt! :) Other than time with my Dilly Bar, I got to watch some good movies, relax on the couch, watch the CAVS play, and be surrounded by my favorite people in the world. Pictures will be coming soon! :)
So, I'm back in War. I feel like I am, too. I had a really tough time leaving home this break knowing that I was coming back to such a difficult position. It is a daily struggle to keep positive and keep my energy up. With my own strength, it doesn't work. And I truly believe that is why things aren't as good as I know they could be. I am leaning a lot on myself and my abilities and sometimes forget that it is ALL about God and that without Him I am nothing. I have been hearing Him say a lot this week, "Less of Amanda and more of ME!" Each day this week I have went in with a smile and tried to challenge and love these little ones. Well, today I think I failed. I should probably back up to the fact that I am pretty sick with a cold in my lungs. Thanks Ohio for snowing a random day during break! I still love you though! Anyways, today I felt miserable, and I probably should not have even been at school. Well, I asked the kids to help me out today since I was feeling so crappy...and they didn't. In fact they were absolutely wild. After coming out of a meeting at the end of the day to find that three of my kids were in fights during music, I was done. Hardly anything academic got done today because I couldn't get the kids to get on task. I felt all day like a failure. Once the last kid left I just broke down. Some days are just too much. There is so much heartache in my classroom, and they act out because they are screaming for attention. I realized when I calmed down that I'm not even upset at the kids and their behaviors...I'm broken for them. And I don't know how to help. Days like this I feel so inadequate and wonder why God brought me here. I asked Him that today. I only have 37 more days of school and my kids are still acting like this. Why God? What have I done for You by being here? I honestly don't know the full answers to these questions, but God did remind me that love is powerful. That LOVE conquers all. But why is that sometimes not enough for me?
Today I was reading in "My Utmost for His Highest" and Chambers said that God often makes things tough for us so that we can be in fellowship with Him. Then, when we get to the tough part, we start complaining and whining. This is me.
(When I was at home with my family, things were comfortable and familiar. I know how to succeed at home. I realized at the end of the break, that I pushed my time with God almost out the window while I was home. It made me so upset at myself because when I'm in War I can't live without Him. I crave His word and our daily time together. Why do I fool myself by thinking I have things under control the moment I step back into comfort? I'm glad that I had this realization now before I got home for summer....or this could be very dangerous. )
Anyways...back to today's reading...in the midst of our complaining, we wish that we were like others...without the burden. However, God gives those He loves burdens to carry...so that we can give them back to Him and become more reliant on Him. Some just understand this concept better and don't complain but see only the joy of the Lord. These people still have burdens, we just don't see them...we see Jesus. This is who I want to be. Inside I am complaining loudly...GOD....WHY AM I HERE?!?!? I COULD BE AT HOME WITH MY FAMILY AND TEACHING IN A SCHOOL WHERE KIDS CARE ABOUT SCHOOL AND WANT TO LEARN!!! WHY WV GOD?!??! YOU PICKED THE WRONG GIRL FOR THIS JOB...IT IS TOO HARD!!!! And today God told me to give Him this burden and to STOP complaining. God is longing to be closer to me, and I am pushing Him away by not accepting what He has given me. So silly huh? Especially when He promises to give us what we need. I thought of Moses and how He kept telling God that he wasn't the man for this job. But, God saw otherwise. He knew that He would give Moses everything that he could possibly need. He knew that he wanted an ordinary man to do something extraordinary....it would give Him more glory. Well, this is my class. It is a huge task...not obviously like freeing the Israelites from bondage of course...but it is more than Amanda can deal with! So, I am trusting once again tonight that God is in control and that He has me with these kids for a reason.
Please pray that I can get rid of the pride that I have. I want so much for these kids to learn. Sometimes I think that I get caught up in what other teachers and the administration see me and my class as...crazy. I take it really personal. Why should I care what they think? Pray that I think about the best interest of each of my kids. Also, please pray for the final burst of endurance. 37 more days to go, and I want to finish strong! Finally, please pray for next year. I am trying to take one day at a time, but I know that next fall is not that far away. At this point, I am praying about whether not to apply here for another year or not. I want God's will...and I want to be so in tune with Him that it is clear what He wants. Pray for listening ears for me.
Well, off to bed I go. Tomorrow I am taking my first sick day. I am greatly looking foward to the day with my bed and Jesus. :)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Reminders are Great
Tonight I have been reminded of where my heart is. It is a good feeling. I will share more soon.
Check this sermon out if you have some time!
http://www.taylor.edu/experience/08_09_chapel_archives.shtml
Click on 01-19-2009 sermon from Bryan Loritts, "Engaging the Less Fortunate"
Check this sermon out if you have some time!
http://www.taylor.edu/experience/08_09_chapel_archives.shtml
Click on 01-19-2009 sermon from Bryan Loritts, "Engaging the Less Fortunate"
| 2009-01-19 | Pastor Bryan Loritts, Engaging the Less Fortunate (Matt. 25:31-46) |
| 2009-01-19 | Pastor Bryan Loritts, Engaging the Less Fortunate (Matt. 25:31-46) |
| 2009-01-19 | Pastor Bryan Loritts, Engaging the Less Fortunate (Matt. 25:31-46) |
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
May the Road Rise up to Meet You and the Wind Always be at Your Back
Happy Saint Patrick's Day! Man I miss Ireland a whole lot this week! I decided to bring in some culture to my students this week by teaching them things about Saint Patrick and Ireland. I made a slide show of some of my pictures... that is where the real sense of missing the place began. How could any one place be so beautiful? And why was God so good to me to allow me to live there for three months? So, today I had a St. Patrick's Day "Celebration" since we were technically not allowed to have a "party." I made rainbow jello and had some other yummy green treats. Then, I decided to challenge myself by teaching my kids some basic Irish steps in dancing. It was a blast! They loved it! I wish that I would have video taped some of it because they were just that cute! :) To be honest, it looked far from anything close to Irish dancing, but they sure tried hard...and had fun! This is something that I would like to do with all my future classes. It was so fun for me and the kids to pull something from another that could be so real with the different resources I was able to bring in.
That was the good part of the week...the rest has been gross. It has probably been one of the longest weeks ever...and it is only Wednesday! I am praying that I make it to Friday in one piece. My kids were wild Monday and have been a little better the past two days...obviously excited about today's festivities. But there is also a lot on my mind besides my kids which sometimes unfortunately comes with me into the classroom. The topper today was at the end of the day while we were all cleaning up. I had brought in my laptop and external hard-drive to show the kids a video of me Irish dancing in Ireland. The day was almost over when I heard screaming. Just then I saw my laptop fall to the floor along with my hard-drive. I went running, but I didn't make it in time. I saw that my laptop looked okay which I was thankful for. Then, I noticed that my hard drive was deformed and looked broke with other pieces from the inside now on the floor. I instantly just started crying realizing what this meant. I just bought my current laptop this summer, so all of my pictures from overseas, college, and the past 5 or so years are backed up on that only. All I could think about was that they were probably gone. The kid who bumped the stand holding the equipment is probably one of the sweetest boys in my class, and I know that he would never do it on purpose. So, I tried to stop crying since I know he felt bad...but that didn't happen. The kids were quieter than ever before and sat in their desks without a whisper till their buses were called. When they all left, I checked the situation out, and I think that things are okay. The hard drive seems to still have my information on it...it just looks messed up. That will work! So, I am praying that my pictures are all really there still and damage only occurred on the outside. I calmed down some after this, and Laura and I stopped at our little grocery store in War on the way home. In there was the little boy who knocked my things down. I was so happy to be able to tell him that everything was okay. He then found me and said he wanted me to meet his grandma who he is living with. She was precious and told me that this little boy came home in tears and said, "Grandma, I did a terrible thing today." He told her what happened and then said, "and then she started crying and I about died inside." When I heard this, I almost started crying again. I explained why I was so emotional and apologized for my reaction. I am so thankful that I had this chance to tell him things were okay right after so that he wasn't worried all night...and also his grandma. She said that she was prepared to write me a check to replace whatever was broken. So soo soo cute and sweet. God is good even in the midst of craziness! We almost didn't stop...but the Lord determines our steps!
Oh...and I got ANOTHER new student today...a second grader. So, I am now up to 22 little ones. My room is getting smaller and the noise is increasing!!!! Also, I have heard rumors that he is a wild one. Honestly, I can't take much more in this class with the different behavior issues. After talking with his aunt...he is another student with much hurt. Pray that he would be one that would adjust quickly in my classroom and be obedient. I know that God is with my little class and that He is in control! Pray that I would continually look to Him for strength. I don't have enough of my own. I am wearing thin. Please also pray that the distractions of life would not get in the way of what God has for me here with my students.
Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts once again. I appreciate each one of you and your prayers!!!! Much love! :)
That was the good part of the week...the rest has been gross. It has probably been one of the longest weeks ever...and it is only Wednesday! I am praying that I make it to Friday in one piece. My kids were wild Monday and have been a little better the past two days...obviously excited about today's festivities. But there is also a lot on my mind besides my kids which sometimes unfortunately comes with me into the classroom. The topper today was at the end of the day while we were all cleaning up. I had brought in my laptop and external hard-drive to show the kids a video of me Irish dancing in Ireland. The day was almost over when I heard screaming. Just then I saw my laptop fall to the floor along with my hard-drive. I went running, but I didn't make it in time. I saw that my laptop looked okay which I was thankful for. Then, I noticed that my hard drive was deformed and looked broke with other pieces from the inside now on the floor. I instantly just started crying realizing what this meant. I just bought my current laptop this summer, so all of my pictures from overseas, college, and the past 5 or so years are backed up on that only. All I could think about was that they were probably gone. The kid who bumped the stand holding the equipment is probably one of the sweetest boys in my class, and I know that he would never do it on purpose. So, I tried to stop crying since I know he felt bad...but that didn't happen. The kids were quieter than ever before and sat in their desks without a whisper till their buses were called. When they all left, I checked the situation out, and I think that things are okay. The hard drive seems to still have my information on it...it just looks messed up. That will work! So, I am praying that my pictures are all really there still and damage only occurred on the outside. I calmed down some after this, and Laura and I stopped at our little grocery store in War on the way home. In there was the little boy who knocked my things down. I was so happy to be able to tell him that everything was okay. He then found me and said he wanted me to meet his grandma who he is living with. She was precious and told me that this little boy came home in tears and said, "Grandma, I did a terrible thing today." He told her what happened and then said, "and then she started crying and I about died inside." When I heard this, I almost started crying again. I explained why I was so emotional and apologized for my reaction. I am so thankful that I had this chance to tell him things were okay right after so that he wasn't worried all night...and also his grandma. She said that she was prepared to write me a check to replace whatever was broken. So soo soo cute and sweet. God is good even in the midst of craziness! We almost didn't stop...but the Lord determines our steps!
Oh...and I got ANOTHER new student today...a second grader. So, I am now up to 22 little ones. My room is getting smaller and the noise is increasing!!!! Also, I have heard rumors that he is a wild one. Honestly, I can't take much more in this class with the different behavior issues. After talking with his aunt...he is another student with much hurt. Pray that he would be one that would adjust quickly in my classroom and be obedient. I know that God is with my little class and that He is in control! Pray that I would continually look to Him for strength. I don't have enough of my own. I am wearing thin. Please also pray that the distractions of life would not get in the way of what God has for me here with my students.
Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts once again. I appreciate each one of you and your prayers!!!! Much love! :)
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Rubbin Shoulders with the Mayor
So yesterday was again another long day. There was an after-school program from 6-8 with a visiting author, so Laura and I decided to stay. We ate dinner at the "Coffee Shop" in War which we have been to once. It is a precious little place, one that you would think of in an old, small town. When we went the first time, the owner, Orbi, wanted to know who we were because we didn't look like we were from "around here." She is a short lady with curly black hair and full of personality. I mean her name is Orbi after all. Well, she remembered us right away. Her daughter is the waitress and the mom of a third grader at our school. They both thought that we were never coming again and that they ran us off. While Laura and I were finishing up our meals, an older man walked over to us and sat down at the table next to us. He said, "I bet you don't know who I am, but I know all about y'all." Awesome, right?!? Well, here it was the mayor of War! He had apparently heard about the two random girls from Ohio that are younger than 50. Because it is such a small place, I get the impression that he is not the only one who has noticed that we are here. Oh, he knew where we lived and noticed that our cars were dirty with all the bad weather. So after some small chat...the mayor tells a story about how "War is a different place if you haven't noticed." haha! Nope! :) I guess for breakfast, the whole town comes in to eat some of Orbi's food and for some morning laughs and gossip. The mayor is a regular. Well, one morning someone said, "I just got myself a new gun and it is pretty great" and placed it on the bar counter. The man next to him, says, "that ain't nothing, check mine out." He pulls his out of his pocket and places on the counter, too. This process goes on for each of the 8 men around the bar...all who have guns in their pockets. Then, little Orbi hears them and says, "that ain't nothing boys, check mine out" and pulls out her gun from behind the counter. Yep...that's War.
Well, on to today's highlight...conversation with "Fred." I bet that you wish you could meet this kid by now! :)
We are in the hallway on a bathroom break and Fred is standing on the wall waiting patiently. Then, he says hi to a girl that walks by and smiles. I ask him if that is one of his cousins (since the whole school is related). He said, "That's Lanae, my girlfriend." "Oh! Isn't she a little old for you, Fred since she is in middle school?" I asked. Fred smiled and said, "The older...the better!" I just started cracking up. Then, he went on to tell me how Lanae even kissed him on the lips and would love to marry him. His response, "I may have to wait awhile...at least a few days." :)
I felt prayers today as my kids were a little better behaved and just more joyful. It was a great day, and I really felt the sense that they are growing as students today. God is good, and thank you for your prayers!!! Nothing is impossible with Him!
Well, on to today's highlight...conversation with "Fred." I bet that you wish you could meet this kid by now! :)
We are in the hallway on a bathroom break and Fred is standing on the wall waiting patiently. Then, he says hi to a girl that walks by and smiles. I ask him if that is one of his cousins (since the whole school is related). He said, "That's Lanae, my girlfriend." "Oh! Isn't she a little old for you, Fred since she is in middle school?" I asked. Fred smiled and said, "The older...the better!" I just started cracking up. Then, he went on to tell me how Lanae even kissed him on the lips and would love to marry him. His response, "I may have to wait awhile...at least a few days." :)
I felt prayers today as my kids were a little better behaved and just more joyful. It was a great day, and I really felt the sense that they are growing as students today. God is good, and thank you for your prayers!!! Nothing is impossible with Him!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Too Tired to Think of a Title
This has been a really long week so far...and it is only Tuesday! Yikes!
Well, this past Friday my roommate and I jumped in Gigi and headed up to Ohio for a random visit to my house to cure some of the homesickness that was creeping in. It was such a wonderful weekend!!! My entire family was home and off of work which was perfect. I got lots of hugs and laughter in. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it...but I love my family a whole lot!! Oh...and I was reminded about another fact to tell you about my life in War. We only have four stations...seriously. It wasn't till I was in Ohio that I realized that each time I changed the station, there was something there. :)
So, my little Dilly Bar...aka my nephew Dylan...is growing like a weed and absolutely precious. I cannot resist his smile. And he is running around everywhere now and a constant burst of energy. I think that my favorite new development of his is he and Lexie's friendship. They are precious together! I love that silly dog even more now that I see what she puts up with! :) He chases her, jumps on top of her, tries to ride her, and even tries to kiss her (which looks more like biting her). But a positive for Lexie...Dylan is starting to figure out that he can share his treats with her.
On Sunday afternoon, Laura and I started our journey home. Thankfully, I will be seeing my family again in a month, this time for a week...so leaving wasn't as difficult. After a long drive and a quick but full weekend, I was exhausted. We were almost back to War when I hit a pothole on the side of the road. I figured right away that I may have messed up my alignment since it hit pretty hard. Well, not long after, I heard the thumping start....louder and louder. Did I mention that it was 10pm and pitch black on a mountain road. Oh, and I have no cell reception of course. And...I've only watched a tire being changed, but I wouldn't know even where to start on my own. I knew that soon I would ruin my rim if I hadn't already, but I thought that there was one more little gas station left. I was right! It just happened to be the little shady "pop stop" that Laura and I always say we will never go to. Well, never say never. I went into the shop after seeing my tire and asked if anyone knew how to change a tire. They all looked clueless. The high school girl at the register said that her cousin in the car would probably know. So, this kid gets out, and I just start rambling and asking him for help. Then, I realize that he is an 8th grader at our school and the brother of one of my little girls. So, he and then some other random boy with a very thick country accent started looking for a lug-nut bar. Well, my car didn't have one. So, the other boy goes inside, buys some tobacco, and asks some random guy buying a 12 pack if he could use his four wheeler to get the lug-nut bar. Pretty soon he's back, and the boys have the tire finished in no time. I thank the boys profusely and get back into my car. That's when I just break down and start bawling and tell Laura, "I just had two 8th grade boys change my tire. What if they aren't strong enough to tighten the bolts?" All these thoughts were running through my mind as I knew we had a good fifteen minutes of winding black roads ahead still. Well, after constant prayer all the way back, we made it safely back. After another good cry explaining things to my parents, I started to calm down....a little. I was super overwhelmed, but I know that God protected us and had His hand on us this night! He is good all the time!
Last night, we also had some excitement...but good excitement. My brother's girlfriend and her friend came down just to visit War and us for the night. Laura and I met them in Bluefield for dinner and then they followed us back on the windy roads....Nicole said that she felt like she was now ready to sign up for NASCAR. :) Then, we took them to our two stores...Dollar General and Rite Aid...many options. Yes...if you come to visit...I will show you a good time! ;) I was hoping that they would get to experience some McDowell accents, but things were a little slow last night. We had a great time, and I'm so glad that they came!
So today I go into school exhausted. We wonder why the kids aren't there, but we soon find out that our school has no water. Most schools would not make the teachers come, so I first had a bad attitude and just wanted to sleep so much. But, it was a great day to get things caught up in my room. And, the water is back on...so I think tomorrow I should see my nineteen reasons to smile! :)
But now I think I need one thing...sleep.
Well, this past Friday my roommate and I jumped in Gigi and headed up to Ohio for a random visit to my house to cure some of the homesickness that was creeping in. It was such a wonderful weekend!!! My entire family was home and off of work which was perfect. I got lots of hugs and laughter in. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it...but I love my family a whole lot!! Oh...and I was reminded about another fact to tell you about my life in War. We only have four stations...seriously. It wasn't till I was in Ohio that I realized that each time I changed the station, there was something there. :)
So, my little Dilly Bar...aka my nephew Dylan...is growing like a weed and absolutely precious. I cannot resist his smile. And he is running around everywhere now and a constant burst of energy. I think that my favorite new development of his is he and Lexie's friendship. They are precious together! I love that silly dog even more now that I see what she puts up with! :) He chases her, jumps on top of her, tries to ride her, and even tries to kiss her (which looks more like biting her). But a positive for Lexie...Dylan is starting to figure out that he can share his treats with her.
On Sunday afternoon, Laura and I started our journey home. Thankfully, I will be seeing my family again in a month, this time for a week...so leaving wasn't as difficult. After a long drive and a quick but full weekend, I was exhausted. We were almost back to War when I hit a pothole on the side of the road. I figured right away that I may have messed up my alignment since it hit pretty hard. Well, not long after, I heard the thumping start....louder and louder. Did I mention that it was 10pm and pitch black on a mountain road. Oh, and I have no cell reception of course. And...I've only watched a tire being changed, but I wouldn't know even where to start on my own. I knew that soon I would ruin my rim if I hadn't already, but I thought that there was one more little gas station left. I was right! It just happened to be the little shady "pop stop" that Laura and I always say we will never go to. Well, never say never. I went into the shop after seeing my tire and asked if anyone knew how to change a tire. They all looked clueless. The high school girl at the register said that her cousin in the car would probably know. So, this kid gets out, and I just start rambling and asking him for help. Then, I realize that he is an 8th grader at our school and the brother of one of my little girls. So, he and then some other random boy with a very thick country accent started looking for a lug-nut bar. Well, my car didn't have one. So, the other boy goes inside, buys some tobacco, and asks some random guy buying a 12 pack if he could use his four wheeler to get the lug-nut bar. Pretty soon he's back, and the boys have the tire finished in no time. I thank the boys profusely and get back into my car. That's when I just break down and start bawling and tell Laura, "I just had two 8th grade boys change my tire. What if they aren't strong enough to tighten the bolts?" All these thoughts were running through my mind as I knew we had a good fifteen minutes of winding black roads ahead still. Well, after constant prayer all the way back, we made it safely back. After another good cry explaining things to my parents, I started to calm down....a little. I was super overwhelmed, but I know that God protected us and had His hand on us this night! He is good all the time!
Last night, we also had some excitement...but good excitement. My brother's girlfriend and her friend came down just to visit War and us for the night. Laura and I met them in Bluefield for dinner and then they followed us back on the windy roads....Nicole said that she felt like she was now ready to sign up for NASCAR. :) Then, we took them to our two stores...Dollar General and Rite Aid...many options. Yes...if you come to visit...I will show you a good time! ;) I was hoping that they would get to experience some McDowell accents, but things were a little slow last night. We had a great time, and I'm so glad that they came!
So today I go into school exhausted. We wonder why the kids aren't there, but we soon find out that our school has no water. Most schools would not make the teachers come, so I first had a bad attitude and just wanted to sleep so much. But, it was a great day to get things caught up in my room. And, the water is back on...so I think tomorrow I should see my nineteen reasons to smile! :)
But now I think I need one thing...sleep.
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